My Girlfriend says Hi!

It's been about a week since I posted here. The last seven days have been sort of a challenge for me. I have had to deal with crazy drivers, crazy people at work, and a crazy life. Everything appears as though it's speeding up and I'm having to play catchup, but anyway. I want to blog about an incident at work. I was really jacked about it. Let's be honest here, if I blog anything about work and someone sees it, I'm toast. So unless one of you nice people out there are going to support me and the fam, I guess I'll skip that subject and discuss an event that may seem small to some but not me.

 I came home the other night and my son tells me out of the blue, "my girlfriend says hi". Man. Thanks kid! Dad didn't know you had one of those. Shall I plan a wedding? Get the rocking chair ready for the porch? Maybe I'm jumping the stick a little bit here, but him saying that made me feel old. Didn't I just buy you a Happy Meal and we fought over the toy? Didn't you just ask me to keep the bathroom light on because you were afraid of the dark? How about you wanting to hold my hand because you didn't know what was around the corner, IN THE KITCHEN! Instead, "my girlfriend says hi?".

Who is this heifer that stole my kid and trying to send him home as a man? MESSAGE TO UNKNOWN HEIFER: FEED HIM, GIVE HIM MONEY! MAKE HIM DO HIS HOMEWORK! LISTEN TO HIS CRAZY JOKES! MAKE HIM CLEAN UP HIS ROOM, NOTHING UNDER THE BED! THEN YOU CAN SAY HI! Until then, we'd love to have you over for dinner.

Now what!

Well, I passed my motorcycle class with only a couple of problems. One, riding one is a little more complicated than it looks. Balancing, shifting, braking, not texting, or eating and drinking a beer are big no no's on a bike. Two, I almost dropped it, didn't think it would happen to me but it did. The good thing is the instructors, very nice people by the way, gave me another shot at it and I nailed it! Other than being nervous, that was it. Meeting other folks who shared the same interest in riding was fun too. All in all, I had a good time. After getting home when it was over, I told the fam all about it and we got a good laugh about the experience. What! Why are we laughing? Because the wife explained to me that I only told her I wanted to learn how to ride not get a bike. WTF.

How does Hoppy fix this!

Now back to the Motorcycle!

Recently I wrote about me wanting a motorcycle and how people that love me are concerned for my safety. Well, the class is tonight and I have not changed my mind about taking it. Call me bullheaded or whatever, but I think it is necessary to do this. Maybe I'll go out and have an accident. Maybe I'll hit someone and get sued for everything I have and don't have. Maybe I'll hurt myself badly and have to rely on others the rest of my life. This is Hoppy's perspective on this, all the things mentioned above can happen doing anything. So why not just have some fun anyway! Maybe this could be the start of something big! I'M A GROWN MAN AND MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS. I RULE MY CASTLE, AND I'M GONNA LEARN HOW TO RIDE!

But first, I have to ask my wife. I hope she doesn't get mad!

A Conversation I had the other day!

Hey Hop, everything is ok with me how about you, good, I was wondering if I could ask you something, If I went west am I technically walking that way or the other, my uncle has a cat that’s not well and he is concerned about it, my aunt has a dog that’s sick too, I hope he gets better, my wife is sick too but she only has a cold, we are thinking about buying a new house in another city but I like it here and she doesn’t , I love my wife and kids, but sometimes I want to leave and start another family, but I know that would be wrong, my mother has twelve toes and three arms and wants to join the “I think I’m different club”, I think I’m going to paint my house this weekend, do you believe in aliens or Martian’s, I do, I think they look funny when they turn green, my car is starting to smoke, but I don’t see any fire yet, I think I should get it fixed in the morning before I go to work, please someone stop me from talking, but anyway, you should join me and my wife for dinner, you would like her, she is black, not to say that anything is wrong with black, but white is right, not trying to offend you, but I’m just saying, I think I have a bump on my right testicle, it felt funny this morning when I got up, but my breast felt ok though, please, please, someone stop me from talking so I can go home, but anyway, who do you like to win the super bowl this year, I don’t watch sports, but it sounded like a good question to ask since everyone says you like sports, is it raining outside, that a stupid question since I just came from out there, what time is it……………………………

You have to be patient Hoppy, at some point he’s going to pass out from a lack of oxygen.  My head hurts!!

Seriously, can I have some cookies?

I get home, walk into the kitchen and notice a bag with KY Jelly in it:

Me: “Can I have some cookies?”

Her: “No, I’m saving them for later.”

Me:  “You always say that.”

Her: “I know, but they are mine and I can do whatever I want with them.”

Me: “Right, but because you almost never give them to me, they will just sit and get stale. That’s why I ask.”

Her: Frustrated. “You ask because you’re greedy. Listen, they’re mine and don’t ask me for them again, or I’ll get mad.”

Me: “What difference does it make if you get mad or not, you still won’t give them to me?”

Her: “HOPPY, this is getting old, take the cookies!”

Me:  “Seriously, just take’em!?”

Her: “YEAH, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I’LL GIVE THEM TO YOU NOW!”

She turns around and hands me two peanut butter cookies that have been sitting on the stove. MAN, a brother can’t win! I guess this would have ended better for me if we both were on the same page. The morale of the joke is: communication is key in any relationship; there is no peace in the home without it.

I wish Hoppy learned that before 40!

Hey Hop!

Question:
15 year old son: Dad, can I have a Facebook account?

Me: Why?

15 year old son: Because my friends have one.

Me: Not good enough. Why?

15 year old son: My cousins have one and I want to keep up with them.

Me: Not good enough. Look, your mother and I try our best to protect you from all sorts of dangers. The Internet is not a joke and should be taken as a serious tool. Facebook is great, I have an account, but I don't think your ready for the responsibility that comes with it. Now, here are the keys to the car, go down the street and get me a six pack of beer and a pack of cigarettes!

Was I wrong for that?

And the "Hey You!" Award goes to, "All the drivers that gave me the blues last night!"